What is eating at you?

Oh a fat little gerbil makes me smile! Some things like baby fat is cute, nice, fun..... but, FAT on the rest of us is well.... NOT!

Yesterday after having an especially stressful day- work was hectic, dealing with family issues, taking care of things I don't want to.... having to let people down when I can't do something, or help the way I would like too.... Things well, were a little chaotic...and as I sat riding in the van with my sweet husband.... after we had a nice dinner at a Mexican restaurant.... not over eating at all.... I realized I was wanting that- so full I am sick feeling.....

the tears came...
 and all I could think about, all I wanted was, well to EAT, eat, and to eat...lots of wonderful creamy, fried, salty, sweet or otherwise food....

This has been my escape for years.

I cried.... realizing, that I was wanting to fill up with food the whole were emotions that I did not want to deal with should be....
I thought...
is my brain really that messed up? That all I can think about is food when I am stressed?
 YES! I have done this for the last 40+ years of my life.....

 I sat in the van and cried.... the ugly- boo hoo kind of cry..... as tears fell,
 I knew it was cleansing cry....

 Knowing when and where this happens is a good thing. I assume it's the same thing that a person who is addicted to drugs, sex, or alcohol feels.... as you take each step of the day and all the things just pile on you.... you get to that place that you crack.... or do crack! ARGH! In my case it would be a King sized Hershey's Symphony bar...all to myself- that I would pick up on my trip to Walgreen's.

 But, this time I didn't!
 I realized what I was going through and just wanted out!
 As we got home, my hunny and I decided ( as I had been promising) to go for a late night swim.  I complained a bit and then arguably agreed to go.

I hiked my butt up to our pool..... we have a nice small pool at our condo. I took a dip....the water was warm and wonderful.... I could live there if no one could see me.... It was refreshing...and I didn't eat. I filled that time with relaxing and recharging in the pool...as well as some exercise. I slept great last night....

Find something that makes you smile.... leaves you feeling refreshed and full... that's not food!

I am ready to go swimming again.... going to get my suit on! Ya coming?

:) Miki

Sing, sing a song...make it simple, to last your whole life long....

Don't worry if it's not good enough for anyone else to hear....Just Sing....sing a song... La la la la Laaa, la La, la la la la....

Our life- in song.... Who cares what others think! It's our song! It can be good, cheesy, bad, short, long, simple or complex! If it makes you feel good sing it.

I am a person who loves music, songs, melodies, and lyrics. The poetry of a song, some tell a story, some are just for fun- to make us feel good! James Brown- "I FEEL GOOD!" What a feeling right song! If you are anything like me, I have used music in my life to play along with my moods and my feelings about the world at that time in the history of the world. My place holders in time. Songs like- Bonnie Rates- "I can't make you love me" - hit me in the heart many times.... It can still make me cry.... Vesta- "Congratulations" -Oh my, I have sung that song at the top of my lungs with my windows down a few times! Oh the emotional times I put myself through for Love...or so I thought.  Love is grand. Life is good.... add a little salt and pepper and there it is.... Enjoy it.

In dealing with ageing parents- as of late..."When I am 64"- Beatles...sorry (focus) I have had people around me tell me lately that- "I sure am taking it well!" What life throws at you, sometimes is not your ideal choices.... (after all I am in my pj's at 1:30pm today) I know that God has a plan, He is in control, He knows what the future holds for me, and I know He will work things out for my good. Sometimes, I get cranky.... and my Hunny feels the brunt of it.... (I know it's hard to believe) but, he is sweet and knows that I am dealing with things the best way I can....I hope to be a help to him through all this stuff.  His mom was recently diagnosed with dementia and it has been a challenge- to say the least. Daily trips to her new assisted/senior apartment. Trying to make sure that she is taken care of everyday- eating, laundry, bathing...etc...  Plus, work, church, church, and my parents. It's a lot.

So call it denial, call it slap happy, maybe it is my second wind- which reminds me---- Sing, Sing a song..... sing out LOUD, sing out STRONG!!!!!!

oxoxo,
miki