I am a food addict.... I am a stress eater.... There I said it. It's out there. I never thought (until recently) that either of those titles pertained to me. Now, I know that some of you are scratching your heads..."What she didn't realize she was a stress eater/ food addict? That's Impossible!" This is precisely what my wonderful husband said to me just the other day. I have looked at others as those things but, I didn't see the fingers pointing back at me. That is crazy that I have just realized this insider information. It's good information to know on this journey I am on. What can trigger me to eat, and eat and eat some more. It is not always what, but who, or when? I hope that is part of the battle. The recognition of who I am.
What does it mean? It means that I have identified SOME of the issues. I am taking charge of the things that I can change and relying on God for the things that I cannot change. This is BIG stuff!
My Aunt Mary sent me an email today with a great quote: "If you want your dreams to come true- You can't oversleep!" How true is that? I feel like I have finally sprung from a long winters nap.... Or some kind of lifetime nap like Rumpelstiltskin. This is my fight; I am in it to win it...My FOOD FIGHT.
I am starting again today. I have some great news for you all my followers. I have been approached by a friend who is a personal trainer - he has this web sight http://www.physicalfitnessforum.com/ he is making a place for my blog on his sight where people can read and connect to my blog and be inspired by what we already have going here. I am so excited. His sight is really cool...it's FREE and it includes articles, food charts, helpful hints and great information on what to do and how to do it- to become and stay fit. I will be tracking my food journals online and will be soon posting my weight and measurements. I need to see it to keep the progress "real" and make myself accountable. Please check out his sight and leave me a message about what you think.
Blessings+
Miki
P.s. Please pray for my wonderful friend Angie, she is a missionary in Haiti in the heart of where the earthquake hit... Port Du Prince. She works at and with an orphanage there and they need funding desperately to feed the children that they have now. Money is also needed to build a bigger orphanage and school for the children so desperate for love. The web sight is http://www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/ and to give http://forhisglory.chipin.com/for-his-glory-outreach Their story is there on the web sight. She has a blog called "Mission Possible" on BlogSpot. She is an amazing ambassador for our Lord...she is truly His hands of hope to a hurting world! God bless you Angie- I love you girlie!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Tag your it!
Tags, we all wear them, some proudly, and some not so proudly. We like to think we keep some in our pockets and only share them with a chosen few... Problem is when those tags get to be so many shoved in there, that they all just start showing anyway. We are only fooling ourselves if we think others can't see what we are trying so despartely to hide. I think it is amazing what we tag ourselves with....some are okay, I guess. What tag I display first is,unfortunately that, -I am overweight. If you can get passed that.... the next tag is- I have a nice smile and if you look a little further you might see one that says that- I am 40ish, or that- I have a fun hair cut (Thank you Aunt Mary and Diane for keeping me coiffured), or one stating that- I try to wear my make-up well (a child of the 80's) and another that says- I am a Christian. -I dress a little trendy sometimes.-I am still not over my parents divorce (20+ years ago) and -I like the color purple (my toes are always painted purple!). Those are just a few of the millions I wear. What ones do you wear?
I like to think I am more than just what tags I display on the outside. If you are my friend you know the real me. You have spent time getting to know the Miki in REAL LIFE. As I have said, I started a new job this week...and traveled many of the long narrow passages of my new cube land. I would pass people and smile politely and say "Hello!" Sometimes, it was returned and others saw me as invisible or tagged me as such- not worthy of a simple hello. When that happens, I always blame my weight. I most likely shouldn't- but, I do. I am sure that there are just as many thin people that never have their "hello's" returned either, but, as an overweight kid and then teen, I was made fun of -teased and ridiculed by a few mean people throughout my school days and after. I really don't care if someone makes fun of me-anymore, but, I will stick up for someone else in a second. I have gotten tuffer in my old age to the teasing and bullying that I faced back then. One of my tormentors in grade school, made up a song that he would sing to me whenever he could.... I of course, remember it well, because over the years I have played it over and over to myself in my head... I am sure he doesn't know what seeds of self hate he planted all those years ago... I don't even remember his name...but the song stuck with me. Here it is, "Hey Fattie, Hey Fattie, what a way to grow!, Hey Fattie, Hey Fattie, what a way to grow!" this was usually followed by, "Watch out! You don't want her to sit on you!" or one of other numerous statements. That was the bully of 5th and 6th grade. He went to a different middle school- thank God! I heard that he had to go through 7th grade a few years in a row. God's paybacks are much better than our own. Maybe he is in the music industry these days? He didn't take the time to get to know the real me....he just saw one tag on the outside.
Tags, everybodies got them....big and small, short and tall.... Are we all not just human beings? Gods creations.
I was having lunch at restaurant the other day and... I tagged our waitress immediately. 40 something, tuff, taking care of herself -her way, waitress. She may have not been any of those things...I was her judge and jury....I assessed her and tagged her just by how she looked. It was all in the persona she displayed for the rest of the world to see. I was doing just what others do to me... is that wrong? Yes! There are 2 sides to examine on this coin....First, what do we display to others? Are we putting out there the image that we would like the world to see? And secondly, are we judging others by the image that we see and not the heart within? God looks to the heart. If we have Jesus- He sees us as whole and clean through the blood that His son shed for us. It is His desire that we all come to know Him. Don't assess and not share God's love with someone just because of the tags you have given them.
God loves you just as you are....we see all the muck and mess that we have gone through or are still in and God sees us as His precious creation...He desires to know you more. God is not mad at you! It is so refreshing to feel His presence in your life. If you don't know what this is like.... Ask Him, say this-
God- I know I have messed up. I want to know you and have your presence in my life everyday. I want to see through your eyes how precious your creation is around me. I can do nothing on my own power to earn your love and forgiveness. I accept that you want me to give my life over to you... to share your love with the world around me. From here on out-help me to gain wisdom, give me the knowledge to know truth, lead my feet, guide my hands and fill my heart with your love. Let me impact the world for you! Let me love others as you love them. Give me your compassion toward them. You are my ultimate authority. Thank you for sending your son, Jesus to die that I might live! I want to see you in heaven- earth is now my temporary home!
I prayed that prayer with you.... I need it everyday....as the bumper sticker says: I'm not perfect- Just forgiven. It's true..... show that same compassion for those around you. If you meant what was written here...pick up a bible...start reading it. Start in the book of John or Luke. Those books are in the mid to back of the bible. They are called the gospels and give an account of Jesus's life while he was here on earth. Study His love. Find someone to ask questions too.... someone to pray for you. Someone whom you can tell by how they live... they love God. Don't get caught up in the docturine of men. Read His word. It's foundational truth.
Share with a friend-
Tag your it!
Miki
I like to think I am more than just what tags I display on the outside. If you are my friend you know the real me. You have spent time getting to know the Miki in REAL LIFE. As I have said, I started a new job this week...and traveled many of the long narrow passages of my new cube land. I would pass people and smile politely and say "Hello!" Sometimes, it was returned and others saw me as invisible or tagged me as such- not worthy of a simple hello. When that happens, I always blame my weight. I most likely shouldn't- but, I do. I am sure that there are just as many thin people that never have their "hello's" returned either, but, as an overweight kid and then teen, I was made fun of -teased and ridiculed by a few mean people throughout my school days and after. I really don't care if someone makes fun of me-anymore, but, I will stick up for someone else in a second. I have gotten tuffer in my old age to the teasing and bullying that I faced back then. One of my tormentors in grade school, made up a song that he would sing to me whenever he could.... I of course, remember it well, because over the years I have played it over and over to myself in my head... I am sure he doesn't know what seeds of self hate he planted all those years ago... I don't even remember his name...but the song stuck with me. Here it is, "Hey Fattie, Hey Fattie, what a way to grow!, Hey Fattie, Hey Fattie, what a way to grow!" this was usually followed by, "Watch out! You don't want her to sit on you!" or one of other numerous statements. That was the bully of 5th and 6th grade. He went to a different middle school- thank God! I heard that he had to go through 7th grade a few years in a row. God's paybacks are much better than our own. Maybe he is in the music industry these days? He didn't take the time to get to know the real me....he just saw one tag on the outside.
Tags, everybodies got them....big and small, short and tall.... Are we all not just human beings? Gods creations.
I was having lunch at restaurant the other day and... I tagged our waitress immediately. 40 something, tuff, taking care of herself -her way, waitress. She may have not been any of those things...I was her judge and jury....I assessed her and tagged her just by how she looked. It was all in the persona she displayed for the rest of the world to see. I was doing just what others do to me... is that wrong? Yes! There are 2 sides to examine on this coin....First, what do we display to others? Are we putting out there the image that we would like the world to see? And secondly, are we judging others by the image that we see and not the heart within? God looks to the heart. If we have Jesus- He sees us as whole and clean through the blood that His son shed for us. It is His desire that we all come to know Him. Don't assess and not share God's love with someone just because of the tags you have given them.
God loves you just as you are....we see all the muck and mess that we have gone through or are still in and God sees us as His precious creation...He desires to know you more. God is not mad at you! It is so refreshing to feel His presence in your life. If you don't know what this is like.... Ask Him, say this-
God- I know I have messed up. I want to know you and have your presence in my life everyday. I want to see through your eyes how precious your creation is around me. I can do nothing on my own power to earn your love and forgiveness. I accept that you want me to give my life over to you... to share your love with the world around me. From here on out-help me to gain wisdom, give me the knowledge to know truth, lead my feet, guide my hands and fill my heart with your love. Let me impact the world for you! Let me love others as you love them. Give me your compassion toward them. You are my ultimate authority. Thank you for sending your son, Jesus to die that I might live! I want to see you in heaven- earth is now my temporary home!
I prayed that prayer with you.... I need it everyday....as the bumper sticker says: I'm not perfect- Just forgiven. It's true..... show that same compassion for those around you. If you meant what was written here...pick up a bible...start reading it. Start in the book of John or Luke. Those books are in the mid to back of the bible. They are called the gospels and give an account of Jesus's life while he was here on earth. Study His love. Find someone to ask questions too.... someone to pray for you. Someone whom you can tell by how they live... they love God. Don't get caught up in the docturine of men. Read His word. It's foundational truth.
Share with a friend-
Tag your it!
Miki
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Are you a "Leading Lady" in your own life?
I was on vacation last week and some very dear friends-whom I love and respect their opinion, basically told me... In the most recent past, I have not been looking or acting like the "Super Star" that they have known me to be. They both have known me for many years and know my style, personality, the standards that I hold myself too and others around me... And well... Feet to the flame- lovingly told me it's time to step it up! I love that... Do you have friends like that? Ones that know you better than you do? I know I haven't been getting my hair done and I haven't really made sure to get myself something new lately...or plucked my bushy eyebrows (I thought the Brooke Shields look was coming back?) So, I have a new do, new eyebrows and a new attitude! I am starting a new job tomorrow and needed to get myself back in order to bring out the best me that I can.
There was a movie called "Holiday" staring the girl from Titanic and she is befriending an old man who is a retired movie writter and he tells her... In the movies there is all ways a leading lady and a best friend... You my dear are a leading lady acting like a best friend in the movie of your own life... You need to get back to being the leading lady- If you can't star in your own life... Someone else will!
I love that.... Ladies we are all leading ladies and best friends.... It's up to us to make sure that we are the "Super Star" in our everyday lives.
We as women need to also be that "best friend" to other ladies around us... Be that friend who can loving support another by saying, "it's time to step up and be the leading lady!"
Love and kisses or as they say in North Carolina-
Hogs and Fishes!
Miki as herself!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Road Trippin'
Me and one of my best girlfriends headed out today on an adventure....halfway across the country. We are headed to visit some of my other best girlfriends and the family in Charlotte, NC. We headed out at 7:30 am and spent a beautiful day in the car.... the trees are at peak fall color and as we hit the start of the Smoky Mountains...it is beautiful! We have stopped in Knoxville, TN for the nite and then we are headed out in the morning to Ashville, NC to see the Builtmore Mansion. I have never been there but, my friend Vicky got engaged there a few years back... WE are going to take some pics and I will post some tomorrow night. We plan on having lunch there and just sight seeing and then heading into Charlotte before dark.
We were having breakfast this morning and saw this couple.... they were complete opposites visually. They were likely in there early seventies. He was a nicely dressed cowboy about 6'8" with a black hat on and she was maybe 4'6" and both were dressed in the same colors and looked like they had been together forever. Do you ever wonder how God puts people together? What attracts people to one another? Love? Why do we prefer what we do? Even in friendships? I have many great friends. I am so blessed for each of them being in my life. Vicky and I have known each other since I was 23..so about 19 years and we have been through it together. Isn't it nice to have that feeling of knowing someone that well. What if our relationship with God was just like that? Think about the person in your life that knows you through and through..... God knows you well enough to count the hairs on your head.... That's beyond our understanding... or at least mine. I want to know Him better... everyday.
Keep an eye her for pix...
Happy Trails!
We were having breakfast this morning and saw this couple.... they were complete opposites visually. They were likely in there early seventies. He was a nicely dressed cowboy about 6'8" with a black hat on and she was maybe 4'6" and both were dressed in the same colors and looked like they had been together forever. Do you ever wonder how God puts people together? What attracts people to one another? Love? Why do we prefer what we do? Even in friendships? I have many great friends. I am so blessed for each of them being in my life. Vicky and I have known each other since I was 23..so about 19 years and we have been through it together. Isn't it nice to have that feeling of knowing someone that well. What if our relationship with God was just like that? Think about the person in your life that knows you through and through..... God knows you well enough to count the hairs on your head.... That's beyond our understanding... or at least mine. I want to know Him better... everyday.
Keep an eye her for pix...
Happy Trails!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Raindrop by raindrop
I went to the doctor on Thursday. I had officially lost 20lbs.!!!!! He was happy for me and wanted to know the how and why... My answer to him was.. Dan and I have cut out as much fast food as possible, drinking water or tea... No sugary drinks, and we are walking. I also told him, that I am blogging to make myself accountable and to take others with me on the journey.
He told me that the shoulder pain that I am feeling could be related to my heart...and that, I have to go to have a stress test next Monday. This totally freaks me out. He took an EKG in his office and it showed some irregularities... and with my family history... We need to make sure the stress I am feeling is just stress! Pray that it is, and my arteries are clear and my heart is working fine- In Jesus name!
I had my last day at UHC today. Moving forward, changing jobs... Have you ever watched rain fall on a window - how as it slowly falls- drop by drop... the drops will run together in lines of water... like little streams. I feel like these changes in my career etc... are like that, where God is moving me into my right path... It might be little stream by little stream... One just slightly moving catching another drop to the right or the left and then flowing to catch a little bigger stream. With each change I am learning a lot. Meeting some wonderful people along the way... I have never been a person to change jobs, but, I guess- I am on my way to yet another a new adventure.
I have always been a person who believes that God has me where He wants me to be, when He wants me to be there, to meet the people He wants me too, to learn what He wants me too,for the season He wants me too learn it! So, I am off to learn the mortgage industry. I think that all this experience is going to aid my knowledge in running my own business someday- soon! Something that, Dan and I can travel together and it can be a write off for the business! Maybe, like one of my favorite ladies...Liz Curtis Higgs- author and encourager of women.(if you don't know her look her up on youtube...she is FABULOUS!) Traveling the world making sure that women know how important they are to God and what He has called them to be and do!
Just by you reading this blog... Our streams have run together... Thanks for joining me here. After all the more water in the stream- the faster it runs and the more wet you get when you mess around in it! PLAY!
He told me that the shoulder pain that I am feeling could be related to my heart...and that, I have to go to have a stress test next Monday. This totally freaks me out. He took an EKG in his office and it showed some irregularities... and with my family history... We need to make sure the stress I am feeling is just stress! Pray that it is, and my arteries are clear and my heart is working fine- In Jesus name!
I had my last day at UHC today. Moving forward, changing jobs... Have you ever watched rain fall on a window - how as it slowly falls- drop by drop... the drops will run together in lines of water... like little streams. I feel like these changes in my career etc... are like that, where God is moving me into my right path... It might be little stream by little stream... One just slightly moving catching another drop to the right or the left and then flowing to catch a little bigger stream. With each change I am learning a lot. Meeting some wonderful people along the way... I have never been a person to change jobs, but, I guess- I am on my way to yet another a new adventure.
I have always been a person who believes that God has me where He wants me to be, when He wants me to be there, to meet the people He wants me too, to learn what He wants me too,for the season He wants me too learn it! So, I am off to learn the mortgage industry. I think that all this experience is going to aid my knowledge in running my own business someday- soon! Something that, Dan and I can travel together and it can be a write off for the business! Maybe, like one of my favorite ladies...Liz Curtis Higgs- author and encourager of women.(if you don't know her look her up on youtube...she is FABULOUS!) Traveling the world making sure that women know how important they are to God and what He has called them to be and do!
Just by you reading this blog... Our streams have run together... Thanks for joining me here. After all the more water in the stream- the faster it runs and the more wet you get when you mess around in it! PLAY!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Picture Perfect!
Have you ever said to someone, "Don't get ME in the picture!" or "Only shoot me from here up!" or "No-please, I don't have any make-up on!" Hm mm??? I have said these plus...or, I have made sure that I was the one behind the camera and not in front of it. Is either one of these you? I have gone so far as to load the pictures on my computer and photo shop them until I didn't even look like myself. What does this say about us? me? It says that somewhere along the line somebody told us that we should/could- "fix ourselves" before we get our picture taken. Fix ourselves? How? Why? Just so Mom will get a good picture of us from school? So that we look fake and posed? YEP! If you are like me....we would get the school pictures back and my Mom and or Dad would say...either..."You smiled good" or "That's a fake smile!" I promise - I tried to mean it....but, I guess I didn't.
I have come to the realization that, I look better in a picture that's less posed and more just taken whenever...it's "Miki is real life!" My husband loves to take pictures of me with my hair in various dis-a-ray. He thinks it's cute and I am just goofy enough to comply.
I have a few friends that are fabulous photographers... but, one wrote this in his blog and I thought it was so beautifully profound and well worded. That, I asked if I could share it here. Check out his site while you are there. http://jharderphotography.blogspot.com/2010/10/pretty-please.html , I told him that he needs to give this statement to everyone he photographs. We should all follow his lead... Memories are important. Keep the GOOD ones and hold them preciously in your grasp, they make us who we are today and shape our future.
I have come to the realization that, I look better in a picture that's less posed and more just taken whenever...it's "Miki is real life!" My husband loves to take pictures of me with my hair in various dis-a-ray. He thinks it's cute and I am just goofy enough to comply.
I have a few friends that are fabulous photographers... but, one wrote this in his blog and I thought it was so beautifully profound and well worded. That, I asked if I could share it here. Check out his site while you are there. http://jharderphotography.blogspot.com/2010/10/pretty-please.html , I told him that he needs to give this statement to everyone he photographs. We should all follow his lead... Memories are important. Keep the GOOD ones and hold them preciously in your grasp, they make us who we are today and shape our future.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Out there...
What a cool thing it has become to be able to communicate with so many people via the Internet. I am consistently amazed by the amount of information out there on the web. (True or Not!?!) I know that we need to judge everything that comes before our eyes... I know it hardens your heart toward certain things if we allow those images into our being. As we are made, we remember images and thoughts and feelings that these things have over us...it effects us in even our chemical balance. We can use images to inspire us or to make us feel lonely, or even depressed. We release certain chemicals when we see certain things....like food we love on the TV, nudity, violence.... we can get addicted to anything. We as humans....our minds and flesh can become addicted to anything that we allow. In saying that, my husband is a huge fan of Law and Order...all of them. Death, rape, murder, incest and more is on every show. It's like looking at a car accident. You really don't want to see someones blood on the road... but, you look anyway.(I have made it a conscious commitment to just pray for the people involved and not to look at what happened.) It creeps me out to think that most of what they have on Law and Order is from the REAL news...happening in REAL life as we know it. There are really some messed up people out there in the world!
As I have said I am an artist. I feel that God has given me an ability to create art. I have not been using my gift for sometime and I know that I need to be creative everyday. I will get somethings done and post them here on my blog even if it's some older stuff I have done... loaded in pictures. I know that God cannot bless what we don't set our hands to do. I told my husband I need some inspiration... Images to create from... We are going to Taste of Missouri this weekend at the Botanical Garden and Shaw Art Fair...it is our yearly ritual...as this week marks 8 years of marriage for us. I will get inspired. I will draw! I promise! It is all about putting things in front of our eyes! I am going to do that this weekend. What are you going to set your eyes on???? Something to inspire? A book? magazine? Museum? Fair?
Be creative....the world needs YOU to be creative! I commission you....GO CREATE!
As I have said I am an artist. I feel that God has given me an ability to create art. I have not been using my gift for sometime and I know that I need to be creative everyday. I will get somethings done and post them here on my blog even if it's some older stuff I have done... loaded in pictures. I know that God cannot bless what we don't set our hands to do. I told my husband I need some inspiration... Images to create from... We are going to Taste of Missouri this weekend at the Botanical Garden and Shaw Art Fair...it is our yearly ritual...as this week marks 8 years of marriage for us. I will get inspired. I will draw! I promise! It is all about putting things in front of our eyes! I am going to do that this weekend. What are you going to set your eyes on???? Something to inspire? A book? magazine? Museum? Fair?
Be creative....the world needs YOU to be creative! I commission you....GO CREATE!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Go with the Flow or Rigid Discipline?
Are you a "Pre-Planner" listing out everything and getting a sense of accomplishment with every last thing you mark of your never ending list? Or are you a "fly by the seat of you pants" kinda person... Happy go lucky , who always seems to just have things work out for you...no matter if you plan or not? I am a planner in some ways and a non-planner in other ways. I can be a strict disciplined person in certain areas and in others I find it very hard to do.
I have always associated strict discipline with disappointment. (My mind is messed up there I know!) It comes from many years of making a plan and then things not working out in the end. Sometimes things just don't go the way you planned them to go. Above all, I hate to disappoint someone else because of my lack of planning. So most of the time I plan, and plan, and make a list, and then lose that list, and then plan again and make another list, and check those plans, and so on, and so on..... It's stressful. I don't like it.
So...how do I get out of that rut? Pre-plan for things that I do have some kind of control over. Like my eating for the week. My exercise for the week. Because in these areas I was always a, "fly by the seat of my bigger and bigger pants kinda gal".... Not good! Planning makes you think about what you are going to take in. Plan on going to the local Farmer's Market on the weekend for the week...and take it home to pre-pair...clean, cut and put in bags or containers for easy fixing during the week ahead.
I have had a request to put some good recipes on the blog and I will soon! If any of you readers have a good healthy hardy recipe...please get it to me email DMKMiki@yahoo.com or leave it as a comment... with calorie and fat/carb count per serving would be great!
;) Miki
I have always associated strict discipline with disappointment. (My mind is messed up there I know!) It comes from many years of making a plan and then things not working out in the end. Sometimes things just don't go the way you planned them to go. Above all, I hate to disappoint someone else because of my lack of planning. So most of the time I plan, and plan, and make a list, and then lose that list, and then plan again and make another list, and check those plans, and so on, and so on..... It's stressful. I don't like it.
So...how do I get out of that rut? Pre-plan for things that I do have some kind of control over. Like my eating for the week. My exercise for the week. Because in these areas I was always a, "fly by the seat of my bigger and bigger pants kinda gal".... Not good! Planning makes you think about what you are going to take in. Plan on going to the local Farmer's Market on the weekend for the week...and take it home to pre-pair...clean, cut and put in bags or containers for easy fixing during the week ahead.
I have had a request to put some good recipes on the blog and I will soon! If any of you readers have a good healthy hardy recipe...please get it to me email DMKMiki@yahoo.com or leave it as a comment... with calorie and fat/carb count per serving would be great!
;) Miki
Our God is an Awesome God!
As we all close in on the final months of this 2010, we will all start looking back at what the year included for each one of us. For me, it was a fresh start in many areas like: my job, my home, and my weight. Although, I did get a late start on that last one! It has been challenged to Dan and myself to loose 50 pounds before Christmas. I would say...no problem, that will be easy! BUT, the holidays are almost upon us and all I can say is God is great, He is helping me on this path and I will do the best I can to not make bad choices!
As you all know, I started this blog with posting my weight and letting you and ME know how I was going to look at this MOUNTAIN facing me in the mirror. I have had GREAT weeks and not so great weeks and I can say.... I am IN it to WIN it! On my not so great weeks...I still ate okay...not great...and I didn't exercise. I know how much better it makes me feel when I do.... I sleep better, over-all feel better and it makes you think about what you are putting in this body to FUEL the machine.
OK- confession time. I currently weigh 369. I have only lost 12 lbs. since I started. I know that this is 12lbs. that I have not carried around for the last 2 months... but, I feel like I am still totally focused and need just that little push to get my engine reved up again.
Last night as I got off work- I grabbed the dog and started walking... I love the fall coooolll weather! Love it, love it, love IT!!!! I am in at least 3rd gear and am hitting it up this week. Hopefully, my hours at work will be changing soon and I will be on an earlier shift, and that will help too. Also, I am going to write down all I eat this week and make myself accountable.
On another note, Dan and I were chatting Sunday night.... as He is the Director of Anglicans for Life St. Louis and I said to him we need to come up with something that all the people we know would love to help with...just by shopping for a few things we could make a big impact. So...we decided that we would start a "Thanksgiving Homeless Bag Project". It entails gathering goods for a group to go out on Thanksgiving morning and hand out Downtown St. Louis to the homeless community. To share from our hearts and give of what we have to those who don't have in our community. We are placing toiletries and goodies in gallon sized Ziploc freezer bags for distribution. I am overwhelmed already with the response from family and friends for the event. It makes me happy to know that it just takes a plan and action to make things happen!
It's proof that with a God given idea...and getting the WORD out that it can happen. Kinda like what I am doing here.... Getting the word out that- Our God is an Awesome God! He can and will do above all we ask or even think. (I am thinking a size 18 sounds fabulous!)
I am giving it to you God- take it and use it- up!
Blessings +
Miki
As you all know, I started this blog with posting my weight and letting you and ME know how I was going to look at this MOUNTAIN facing me in the mirror. I have had GREAT weeks and not so great weeks and I can say.... I am IN it to WIN it! On my not so great weeks...I still ate okay...not great...and I didn't exercise. I know how much better it makes me feel when I do.... I sleep better, over-all feel better and it makes you think about what you are putting in this body to FUEL the machine.
OK- confession time. I currently weigh 369. I have only lost 12 lbs. since I started. I know that this is 12lbs. that I have not carried around for the last 2 months... but, I feel like I am still totally focused and need just that little push to get my engine reved up again.
Last night as I got off work- I grabbed the dog and started walking... I love the fall coooolll weather! Love it, love it, love IT!!!! I am in at least 3rd gear and am hitting it up this week. Hopefully, my hours at work will be changing soon and I will be on an earlier shift, and that will help too. Also, I am going to write down all I eat this week and make myself accountable.
On another note, Dan and I were chatting Sunday night.... as He is the Director of Anglicans for Life St. Louis and I said to him we need to come up with something that all the people we know would love to help with...just by shopping for a few things we could make a big impact. So...we decided that we would start a "Thanksgiving Homeless Bag Project". It entails gathering goods for a group to go out on Thanksgiving morning and hand out Downtown St. Louis to the homeless community. To share from our hearts and give of what we have to those who don't have in our community. We are placing toiletries and goodies in gallon sized Ziploc freezer bags for distribution. I am overwhelmed already with the response from family and friends for the event. It makes me happy to know that it just takes a plan and action to make things happen!
It's proof that with a God given idea...and getting the WORD out that it can happen. Kinda like what I am doing here.... Getting the word out that- Our God is an Awesome God! He can and will do above all we ask or even think. (I am thinking a size 18 sounds fabulous!)
I am giving it to you God- take it and use it- up!
Blessings +
Miki
Saturday, September 25, 2010
"Which way did he go... Which way did he go?"
Everything we do comes down to the choices we make... To take this job or that one, to pay this bill, buy this thing, move here, be friends with this person, eat that, drive there, smile at your neighbour, pet your dog, take that pill, drink that drink, buy that lottery ticket, call your mom.... I could go on and on.... follow this dream or that... Or Not! Depending on the choices we give ourselves to make or the ones that life throws our way... We all make a million choices a day.
Starting with just opening our eyes to face the day. I understand what it's like to feel like- 'why did another day have to come... I have messed up so many I can't make this one any better... I will just stay in bed.' When Dan and I got married, I had been laid off from my job. We had moved the trailer he owned to a tiny town just south of East St. Louis, Illinois, and I was depressed.... I had no car, no money, no job, and nothing to do but clean a trailer that I didn't want to live in and be useless. We were edging closer to bankruptcy everyday and it was sucky. After we finally went broke and lost the trailer... We moved to an apartment, I got a job... Soon after we moved my Mom moved in with us for a year and during the same time his Mom for about 6 months... I was stressed out... But, God delivers us all out of our troubles. If your in a trial don't stop... Keep going and you'll make it through.
I said all that to say this - it is our choices we make that determine our outcomes...it can apply to eatting right, exercise, taking medicine, our career, home life, family..... It all comes back to what choices we make... What directions we go. Not to say that Gods mercy cannot get us through, but, we should be guided by his Spirit in us and not pushing away that "still small voice" that tells us, "be kind to that lady" "don't have sweet tea- just regular is fine" "don't cut that car off just because he is trying to get ahead of you."
My inner voice says things like that to me daily... The voice of God says to us daily in His word, You are precious to me, like a pearl of great price, a rare gem, fine gold... Treasured by me- you are mine- see yourself through my eyes, you are royalty to me, I desire to spend time with you, share your hopes and dreams with me. I want you to feel my love for you as you never have before. To know that I am with you. Always in all ways.
It comes back to decisions... Stop, learn, and listen.
Can we do it? Do we want it bad enough? Is it our passion? Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and change or will I use it to beat myself up? Is this an act of loving myself or self destruction? Am I choosing an act of faith or an act of fear?
Wow... Those are tuff! Some are from a book called, "The right questions" the author goes on to quote Anthony Robbins, "Quality questions create quality life."
As I get older I hope that wisdom follows me and I make more right decisions and less wrong ones.
A weight watcher leader once said, "Just because you ran a stop sign, does it mean you continue to violate all other traffic laws for the rest of the day? NO? Then why would you continue to make unhealthy eating choices after you made just one?"
a lot to chew on.... 4 fingers pointing back at me!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Oh man, she is up again!
I received this in an email from my Aunt Mary today and I thought you all might like to read it... It is my prayer for all my friends... That means you!
Your Up, Sister! "Oh, man she's up again! - let this be the devils cry when he hears our feet hit the floor in the morning!
Dear God- this is my friend, whom I love and this is my prayer for her...
Help her to live her life to the fullest you have for her.
Please promote her and cause her to excel above all her expectations.
Help her to shine in the darkest places, where we think it is impossible to show love.
Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most. Let her know it's then that you are walking for her, carrying her and keeping her safe in your arms.
Amen!
(if you are a boy insert 'him' for 'her' hehehe!)
I want you all to know that I am so greatful for your friendship... I am so blessed to know so many wonderful friends that are effecting the world around them for Christ! I hope that I can make you just as proud of me as I am of you. Each one of you is making an impact... Know that I see His kingdoms work in all you do. Pray strength for me as I am on this leg of my journey. I NEED IT!
Blessings+
miki
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
She has such a pretty face...
Wow, if I had a quarter for each time I heard that when I was a teen-ager. I would have a couple of extra bucks to play FROGGER with at Chesterfield Mall in the game room. Ahhhh....how times have changed. I was an over-weight child,teen, 30 something and now... I hate to say it...Middle-ager. When I was younger, I thought I was fun and different enough that it really didn't matter that I was fat. I was a child of the 80's and wore big shirts with the collars up, leggings, skinny ties, hammer pants, neon colors, 2 tees shirts with the cuff rolled up and two pair of socks to match, had my hair cut off on one side and wore pearls with everything. I was cool. Or so I thought. During that time, my life at home was in disarray. My parents were in and out of love...or separated for most of my teen years and when I was 18 they got divorced. I spent a lot of time away from my house. I wanted to create a new environment for myself, but, I was afraid to branch out at the same time. I spent endless hours at the mall, church and with friends. Just so I would not have to spend time at home. At school and with my friends-I was the fun, chubby, pretty girl. I never had a date until the age of 30. OK, no date with any straight men. Not that I didn't fall in love, or so I thought, with a number of guys that didn't know I liked them and most likely didn't care to be anything other than friends. Some of which are still my friends today. I am thankful in many ways that I was never "involved" with any of them. I feel like most of my teen years I was protected. Protected and yet hurting myself with a wall of fat. I don't know if it was me protecting myself or if it was God keeping me safe...not that I didn't do some pretty stupid things along the way. But, I was safe behind this wall I built around me. I had something to blame, when people made fun of me. I was fat. I am fat.
As I went into my 20's, I became the righteous one. I would not do anything wrong(except overeating).... When my parents got divorced and my Mom and I moved out. My Mom needed a saviour. I was her balancing beam for quite a few years and then I decided that I didn't want to save her or myself... why was I trying so hard? I quit... She was going to do what she wanted and so was I. I had a large group of friends and did everything with and for them I could. It wasn't healthy although I learned a lot....I was co-dependant...with a capital C!
When I turned 30... I was sick of it....this life I had created was not going as I had dreamed...and I was single, lonely and fat. I started dating for the first time in my life. The place to go at the time was "on-line" - I was a BBW- big beautiful woman... looking for love! I found more than my share of creepy guys that were just looking for nothing but sex. I was a virgin and was not going to waste my time with them. It weirded me out to think that there were guys just cruising big girls for sex. I was even told by one that he hit on big ladies because they have low self esteem and it made it easier! What? CRAZY! But, it must have been true. I was known by my friends as the "First Date Queen"- because I knew on the first date if they were marriage material or not. My mom even told me I was just being to picky!
When I gave up on finding Mr. Right by myself..... and gave it to God is when I found him! He tells me how beautiful I am all the time and that he loves me..... He makes me feel special. I still see myself as a mess...most of the time...but, it helps to hear that you are special to someone.
Does everyone have a distorted self image? We see our surroundings and how people react to us...but do we truly see ourselves like others see us? The answer is no! We see a 1 dimensional portrait of ourselves in the mirror looking back at us... That's why we should really look at ourselves through the eyes of others who love us...no matter what. We have to be honest with how we feel....but, we should see ourselves through God's eyes. He loves us just because He made us....no strings.... and like a pastor friend of mine says, "God's not mad at you!" We need to get that.... what a concept.
As I went into my 20's, I became the righteous one. I would not do anything wrong(except overeating).... When my parents got divorced and my Mom and I moved out. My Mom needed a saviour. I was her balancing beam for quite a few years and then I decided that I didn't want to save her or myself... why was I trying so hard? I quit... She was going to do what she wanted and so was I. I had a large group of friends and did everything with and for them I could. It wasn't healthy although I learned a lot....I was co-dependant...with a capital C!
When I turned 30... I was sick of it....this life I had created was not going as I had dreamed...and I was single, lonely and fat. I started dating for the first time in my life. The place to go at the time was "on-line" - I was a BBW- big beautiful woman... looking for love! I found more than my share of creepy guys that were just looking for nothing but sex. I was a virgin and was not going to waste my time with them. It weirded me out to think that there were guys just cruising big girls for sex. I was even told by one that he hit on big ladies because they have low self esteem and it made it easier! What? CRAZY! But, it must have been true. I was known by my friends as the "First Date Queen"- because I knew on the first date if they were marriage material or not. My mom even told me I was just being to picky!
When I gave up on finding Mr. Right by myself..... and gave it to God is when I found him! He tells me how beautiful I am all the time and that he loves me..... He makes me feel special. I still see myself as a mess...most of the time...but, it helps to hear that you are special to someone.
Does everyone have a distorted self image? We see our surroundings and how people react to us...but do we truly see ourselves like others see us? The answer is no! We see a 1 dimensional portrait of ourselves in the mirror looking back at us... That's why we should really look at ourselves through the eyes of others who love us...no matter what. We have to be honest with how we feel....but, we should see ourselves through God's eyes. He loves us just because He made us....no strings.... and like a pastor friend of mine says, "God's not mad at you!" We need to get that.... what a concept.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
R We R Parents?
It does seem that no matter how hard we try, we seem to become more like our parents the older we get. I am not just talking about how we look or what we say. It says in Proverbs to "train a child in the way they should go... and they will not depart from it." I've always heard this scripture applied to... going to church... learning the faith.... etc... It can be true, applied in other areas of our lives too. Did your mom say things like- "Waste not, want not!", "Clean your plate, there are children who are starving in the world." or worse yet... "Clean your plate or no dessert!" I don't know about you, but I still hear these words play over in my mind. I still feel guilty when I do not clean my plate. My husband used to say, "Send it to the starving kids in China!" I was not so bold. This and many others have instilled bad habits in my life when it comes to eating. My Mom had good intentions, when I was young we didn't have alot of money... So, she was not wanting to waste food. I still don't like to throw away food or not take home left-overs from the restaurant.
My love for food started young. My Mom is a southern comfort food cook- friend and lots of butter. My dad is a meat, potatoes, bread and butter kinda guy. I also had in the 2 houses next to ours- my mom's mom- a baker and next door to her my other grandma and gram pa- and she was a diner cook- lots of grease and always dessert. So, if my mom was fixing something we liked we went to a grams house.
I want to let you all know that in doing this new mission, this life change... I started this to get healthy because of many reasons...
1. I am having symptoms in my own body that I know I can change if I get it(my body) under control... such as hyper tension, type 2 diabetes, over all joint pain from caring all this extra weight.
2. I can see myself in how my parents health is deteriorating at the age of 65 when they should be out enjoying a wonderful life... They cannot, because they are just not well enough to do it. Here are a few to list: COPD, congestive heart failure, high blood pressure, fibro-myalgia, arthritis, type 2 diabetes, ESRD.....I could go on... but I won't.
3. If God is going to bless Dan and I with a child, I need to be healthier for that to happen. Either, having one or adopting.
It is my wish for all who read this that whatever your heart desires... Health, happiness, children...etc...That God will truly give you the desires of your heart.
Blessings+
Miki
My love for food started young. My Mom is a southern comfort food cook- friend and lots of butter. My dad is a meat, potatoes, bread and butter kinda guy. I also had in the 2 houses next to ours- my mom's mom- a baker and next door to her my other grandma and gram pa- and she was a diner cook- lots of grease and always dessert. So, if my mom was fixing something we liked we went to a grams house.
I want to let you all know that in doing this new mission, this life change... I started this to get healthy because of many reasons...
1. I am having symptoms in my own body that I know I can change if I get it(my body) under control... such as hyper tension, type 2 diabetes, over all joint pain from caring all this extra weight.
2. I can see myself in how my parents health is deteriorating at the age of 65 when they should be out enjoying a wonderful life... They cannot, because they are just not well enough to do it. Here are a few to list: COPD, congestive heart failure, high blood pressure, fibro-myalgia, arthritis, type 2 diabetes, ESRD.....I could go on... but I won't.
3. If God is going to bless Dan and I with a child, I need to be healthier for that to happen. Either, having one or adopting.
It is my wish for all who read this that whatever your heart desires... Health, happiness, children...etc...That God will truly give you the desires of your heart.
Blessings+
Miki
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sparrow? Me? yeah right!
Luke 12:6-7 "What's the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk. You're worth more than a million canaries."
Do sometimes you feel like me and think....why, would I matter that much to God? Has He forgotten me? Does He hear me when I call? How does he answer? When does he answer? Why does he not answer? I have spent many years wondering what the answers were to these questions and others. I know that He does answer when we call.... it may not be the answer we want to hear..but He does answer all our cries. God has been listening.... to us all. He loves us each individual, all our faults and weaknesses. He knows exactly what we need to make us healthy. He knows what the desire is even before we do...to get healthy and stay that way.
Today, I was watching one of the Doctor shows on TV.... He challenged everyone watching to just drop 10 lbs. He chatted with the audience about what all the good outcomes if they would just do something to loose the 10lbs. The laws of the land where....
1. No more sugary drinks.
2. No snacks bigger than your fist.
3. No eating after 8pm...or 3 hours before you go to bed.
4. Keep moving.
5. Track your weight daily.
I think all of those are a good start! I have done some of these....and some more. He had a panel of experts, and each one had reasons for each thing. Each one had a reason that America's average weight has gone up 20lbs. in the past 10 years.
1. High fructose corn syrup.... in everything! Addictive!
2. Portion Control-that's a given....at least half any restaurant portion.
3. In-activity!
4. Addiction- use food as a drug.
5. Eat REAL food.
It all comes back to addiction... What we allow our bodies to crave and what we allow it to eat. WE ARE WHAT WE EAT!
Do sometimes you feel like me and think....why, would I matter that much to God? Has He forgotten me? Does He hear me when I call? How does he answer? When does he answer? Why does he not answer? I have spent many years wondering what the answers were to these questions and others. I know that He does answer when we call.... it may not be the answer we want to hear..but He does answer all our cries. God has been listening.... to us all. He loves us each individual, all our faults and weaknesses. He knows exactly what we need to make us healthy. He knows what the desire is even before we do...to get healthy and stay that way.
Today, I was watching one of the Doctor shows on TV.... He challenged everyone watching to just drop 10 lbs. He chatted with the audience about what all the good outcomes if they would just do something to loose the 10lbs. The laws of the land where....
1. No more sugary drinks.
2. No snacks bigger than your fist.
3. No eating after 8pm...or 3 hours before you go to bed.
4. Keep moving.
5. Track your weight daily.
I think all of those are a good start! I have done some of these....and some more. He had a panel of experts, and each one had reasons for each thing. Each one had a reason that America's average weight has gone up 20lbs. in the past 10 years.
1. High fructose corn syrup.... in everything! Addictive!
2. Portion Control-that's a given....at least half any restaurant portion.
3. In-activity!
4. Addiction- use food as a drug.
5. Eat REAL food.
It all comes back to addiction... What we allow our bodies to crave and what we allow it to eat. WE ARE WHAT WE EAT!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Big is Beautiful.... I firmly believe that!
I have been a large- sized lady my whole life.... And up until the last few years was firmly on the side of the fence that....As long as your a healthy large-sized person.... no one has the right to tell you how you should be. I have faced a few medical issues in the recent past and my doctor is very sweet and tells me that I should work on my weight...but that these issues are on your family line...so it would not matter if you weighed 150lbs. or 350lbs. you would still have to face these same issues. I believe that to be true also. BUT!!!!!! I know what feels comfortable for my body and what does not. This weight is not comfortable anymore. I could not walk through the entire grocery store or walk the mall with out breaking out in a sweat. That is NOT healthy! I am on this mission to find out what is healthy for me? It may not be what is healthy for you.
I was a store manager for a large-sized women's retail company for 20 years and I would be the first to tell you, "If you feel beautiful....then you look beautiful!" And beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. The models that are on the shows...like Americas Next Top Model are not the norm...they are all 5'11" or taller and about 100 lbs. I don't think that they look healthy..and as most older models will tell you....during their modeling days they were not healthy. Why do we continue to support a model type that is not a healthy look? Most of them are beautiful but.....not healthy. We need to start supporting a self image that is the norm...I loved that Dove Soap Campaign that had real women in it. It made me buy dove products, just support the "real women" initiative. So, all you men out there...continue to tell all the women around you how great that they look....everyday in every way! We need to hear it!
I was a store manager for a large-sized women's retail company for 20 years and I would be the first to tell you, "If you feel beautiful....then you look beautiful!" And beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. The models that are on the shows...like Americas Next Top Model are not the norm...they are all 5'11" or taller and about 100 lbs. I don't think that they look healthy..and as most older models will tell you....during their modeling days they were not healthy. Why do we continue to support a model type that is not a healthy look? Most of them are beautiful but.....not healthy. We need to start supporting a self image that is the norm...I loved that Dove Soap Campaign that had real women in it. It made me buy dove products, just support the "real women" initiative. So, all you men out there...continue to tell all the women around you how great that they look....everyday in every way! We need to hear it!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Vacation is coming, YIPEEE!!!!
Dan and I are heading to visit friends in NC next week. I am so excited and can't wait for the fun of relaxing and catching up. I have some buddies staying with Smudge at or house. It's going to be so nice to spend the time with my Bunny(that's- Beau, Hunk, and Honey mixed together!)...not having to worry about things at home... too much!
I will be starting a new workbook called- "Making Peace with your Past", I have to get through the first 2 chapters and I know I will be sharing some of my thoughts about it here. So, I hope I am really prepared for this journey. I have talked to other ladies that have been through this group study and have found it very releasing.... Giving parts of your old self to God and they have also said it is kinda like peeling an onion...layer by layer...(peeling onions makes me cry) I am sure this might be a cleansing/crying time to go through. Be pre-paired. It's messy in there....stuff has been hidden for quite a few years...
Honesty- Truth- Inspiration is what I am seeking.... On with the journey!
In case you all who are my blog readers wanted to know... I am a part of a Christian peer counseling group...of wonderful ladies. They are getting a Center of Women's Ministry together for Women to come and get free counseling - group and individually. It makes me proud to know these ladies...they are a great group - Dedicated to loving God with their whole hearts.
"Spread the Gospel where ever you go, and if you must- use words!"- St. Francis.
I will be starting a new workbook called- "Making Peace with your Past", I have to get through the first 2 chapters and I know I will be sharing some of my thoughts about it here. So, I hope I am really prepared for this journey. I have talked to other ladies that have been through this group study and have found it very releasing.... Giving parts of your old self to God and they have also said it is kinda like peeling an onion...layer by layer...(peeling onions makes me cry) I am sure this might be a cleansing/crying time to go through. Be pre-paired. It's messy in there....stuff has been hidden for quite a few years...
Honesty- Truth- Inspiration is what I am seeking.... On with the journey!
In case you all who are my blog readers wanted to know... I am a part of a Christian peer counseling group...of wonderful ladies. They are getting a Center of Women's Ministry together for Women to come and get free counseling - group and individually. It makes me proud to know these ladies...they are a great group - Dedicated to loving God with their whole hearts.
"Spread the Gospel where ever you go, and if you must- use words!"- St. Francis.
So perfectly imperfect....
Am I the only one????
Who food talks too?
It starts with the sweetest little voice,
"Miki.... get-up."
I can be in bed sound asleep and hear it. Is it my stomach? Is it my head? Is it both?...
"Miki...get-up, there is yummy chocolate pudding in the fridge..and lonely pickles too....cheese and... there's always room for jello."
What? Why? and How? Do I let these voices survive and thrive?
It happens in the car when I am by myself too,
"Miki... you haven't had anything today...you were a bad planner today...just stop and go through the drive-thru....treat yourself... you'll walk it off later!"
STOP!!!!!
I have the mind of Christ!
I have control of my thoughts, my mind and my actions. This is the time when I really feel ADDICTED! Like there is something wrong with me, why I allow FOOD to take over and win in soooo many instances. Is fasting the answer? I have done that before...giving up soda as a fast to pray and seek Gods face over an issue in my life...and guess what... at the end of the second year... I had my answer. It wasn't the one I wanted, but, I had my answer. Maybe, if I had given up something more substantial I would have gotten the answer faster! :) So, with this time of seeking...is fasting the answer? Would that give me peace and control? Maybe? It would most likely hit those pesky suckers head on....make the voices stronger for a bit, knowing that they are going to lose. It might give me victory...at night.
I am currently working a job that I don't like. Praise God for having a job! But, I don't like it. One reason is- I don't get off work until 7pm. It makes it very difficult for me to get home, make dinner and eat before 8:30 pm... I know it's all in the planning. But, if your going to bed at 10pm and your eating at 9ish.... it's all just to late...I do better if I eat at 5 or 6 and have a very lite snack at 8 or 9...then off to bed at 10 or 11.
I said in an earlier blog post- My addiction is distinctive from a drug addict or an alcoholic because they can just stop...and never go back....but, I WAS WRONG! Someone who drinks....still has to drink...they just have to make the right choices to drink what is good for their bodies....to not get that high that they crave...same for a drug addict... If it's pills....and who among us does not have to take one kind of pill a day...even if it's vitamins... they have to take the right kind of pills in the right quantity...to make them healthy. No different. I have to make the right choices...the right decisions about how I fuel my body... To have the right mind set to make it through the day with out...chocolate and cheeseburgers. To make a conscious choice to have this and not that!
My wonderful husband, Dan...is a old school dieter like the rest of us...but, he is very disciplined when it comes to counting everything that he puts into his mouth. Saturday morning.... I had a sausage croissant and hash rounds from Hardee's.... After I enjoyed it, Dan... whom did not have the unhealthy breakfast...looked up the fat grams for me online.... annnnnnddddd(drum roll)..58 grams of FAT!!!! Oh.... my.... I thought I'm going to be sick...I mean....it was good...but... WHAT? Did it even weigh 58 grams? Was it 100% total fat? Like I could have just eaten a stick of butter? Disgusted....I am sorry God.... I used to eat that at least 3 times a week for breakfast.... What craziness!
Have you ever watched the 500lb.+ people shows on cable? They will show a man or woman that weighs 500+lbs. and put out a spread in front of them of what they consume in a day.... as I sit there watching what is in front of them...I would say, in my mind-"If I ate all that, I would weigh 900 lbs. next month!" I am fine because I don't eat all that!" I do not consume near as much as they do and was still progressively gaining weight.... my metabolism is busted! It's because of what I have been using as fuel in my body. I have to put good things in to have the engine get re-started. I was at my Dad's yesterday and he just bought himself a new toy.... a blue Cooper Mini... it's very cute! He took me for a spin... It's the racing model and it goooooes faaasssstttt! Six speed....go cart...with airbags everywhere to make it safe! I am sure that he puts a high octane fuel in it....for it to maintain performance. Why do I-GET IT with cars...but when IT comes to my body...I don't treat IT the same? Time to change!
Ok....I weighed yesterday and did not lose anything... stayed the same... Kinda made me a little sad...but, I know that I didn't gain and I have still lost 11 lbs in 2 weeks. I maintained what I had lost the week before. I was not as disciplined as I should have been, but, still kept walking! I am loving the cooler night air.... and my little hill. I am seeing a difference from when I first started walking...I am not as winded at the top.... That's good! Progress!
I love these pictures.... They are friends that can't do without each other...before they met... they were lonely...now they are inseparable..... Lesson: as long as the monkey on your back is your friend...looking out for you-it's a good thing!
Who food talks too?
It starts with the sweetest little voice,
"Miki.... get-up."
I can be in bed sound asleep and hear it. Is it my stomach? Is it my head? Is it both?...
"Miki...get-up, there is yummy chocolate pudding in the fridge..and lonely pickles too....cheese and... there's always room for jello."
What? Why? and How? Do I let these voices survive and thrive?
It happens in the car when I am by myself too,
"Miki... you haven't had anything today...you were a bad planner today...just stop and go through the drive-thru....treat yourself... you'll walk it off later!"
STOP!!!!!
I have the mind of Christ!
I have control of my thoughts, my mind and my actions. This is the time when I really feel ADDICTED! Like there is something wrong with me, why I allow FOOD to take over and win in soooo many instances. Is fasting the answer? I have done that before...giving up soda as a fast to pray and seek Gods face over an issue in my life...and guess what... at the end of the second year... I had my answer. It wasn't the one I wanted, but, I had my answer. Maybe, if I had given up something more substantial I would have gotten the answer faster! :) So, with this time of seeking...is fasting the answer? Would that give me peace and control? Maybe? It would most likely hit those pesky suckers head on....make the voices stronger for a bit, knowing that they are going to lose. It might give me victory...at night.
I am currently working a job that I don't like. Praise God for having a job! But, I don't like it. One reason is- I don't get off work until 7pm. It makes it very difficult for me to get home, make dinner and eat before 8:30 pm... I know it's all in the planning. But, if your going to bed at 10pm and your eating at 9ish.... it's all just to late...I do better if I eat at 5 or 6 and have a very lite snack at 8 or 9...then off to bed at 10 or 11.
I said in an earlier blog post- My addiction is distinctive from a drug addict or an alcoholic because they can just stop...and never go back....but, I WAS WRONG! Someone who drinks....still has to drink...they just have to make the right choices to drink what is good for their bodies....to not get that high that they crave...same for a drug addict... If it's pills....and who among us does not have to take one kind of pill a day...even if it's vitamins... they have to take the right kind of pills in the right quantity...to make them healthy. No different. I have to make the right choices...the right decisions about how I fuel my body... To have the right mind set to make it through the day with out...chocolate and cheeseburgers. To make a conscious choice to have this and not that!
My wonderful husband, Dan...is a old school dieter like the rest of us...but, he is very disciplined when it comes to counting everything that he puts into his mouth. Saturday morning.... I had a sausage croissant and hash rounds from Hardee's.... After I enjoyed it, Dan... whom did not have the unhealthy breakfast...looked up the fat grams for me online.... annnnnnddddd(drum roll)..58 grams of FAT!!!! Oh.... my.... I thought I'm going to be sick...I mean....it was good...but... WHAT? Did it even weigh 58 grams? Was it 100% total fat? Like I could have just eaten a stick of butter? Disgusted....I am sorry God.... I used to eat that at least 3 times a week for breakfast.... What craziness!
Have you ever watched the 500lb.+ people shows on cable? They will show a man or woman that weighs 500+lbs. and put out a spread in front of them of what they consume in a day.... as I sit there watching what is in front of them...I would say, in my mind-"If I ate all that, I would weigh 900 lbs. next month!" I am fine because I don't eat all that!" I do not consume near as much as they do and was still progressively gaining weight.... my metabolism is busted! It's because of what I have been using as fuel in my body. I have to put good things in to have the engine get re-started. I was at my Dad's yesterday and he just bought himself a new toy.... a blue Cooper Mini... it's very cute! He took me for a spin... It's the racing model and it goooooes faaasssstttt! Six speed....go cart...with airbags everywhere to make it safe! I am sure that he puts a high octane fuel in it....for it to maintain performance. Why do I-GET IT with cars...but when IT comes to my body...I don't treat IT the same? Time to change!
Ok....I weighed yesterday and did not lose anything... stayed the same... Kinda made me a little sad...but, I know that I didn't gain and I have still lost 11 lbs in 2 weeks. I maintained what I had lost the week before. I was not as disciplined as I should have been, but, still kept walking! I am loving the cooler night air.... and my little hill. I am seeing a difference from when I first started walking...I am not as winded at the top.... That's good! Progress!
Friday, September 3, 2010
5 Karate Chops way down low....
As I lay in bed last night, after not sleeping to well for a couple of nights, my lower back was really cramping; I said to my wonderful husband- who always is so sweet to rub all of my aches and pains. "I could really use 5 Karate Chops...way down low." He being the gracious giver....comes a little closer and in his deepest voice says, "Karate Chop, Karate Chop, Karate Chop, Karate Chop, Karate Chop!" He is so funny...made me laugh out loud! Oh...the fun we have. He is silly! I love him truly!
Be careful what you ask for - cuz, sometimes you'll get exactly that thing! I asked God to help me with this battle of weight, and, if He would be so kind as to make it an instant miracle... I would be ever grateful.(We are so goofy sometimes...I know God laughs at us and shakes His head- saying, "Oh my creation- It is good!)) In the past, I have actually prayed for God to change my body chemistry. Mix-up my metabolism. Make my body a fat burning machine. Make it like someone who was born into a thin family, with thin genes. Make it like a body builder who burns calories at such a high rate that they can't take in enough. Make it work...different.... I had actually heard of a church that people whom were over weight were going in and losing 100 lbs in church... a IN YOUR FACE MIRACLE! I would ask Him...why not me God... I have been good. I had also toyed with the idea of a weight loss surgery. (I have never even had stitches- but I was willing to go under the knife because I can't control my eatting?- That's nuts!) Plus, I have friends that have had it done and almost died from it.(I love ya Vick- and am so thankful you are still here with us! God answers prayer!) So far Gods answer to me has been...you have feet and legs that work...I made them...now you have gotta take the steps.
Happy Friday all...We have made it through another week together. I had a few minor set backs this week. BUT, I am here standing and it's FRIDAY!!!!! I am amazed since leaving retail for a cube job...what Friday really means. I always would hear others say..."I am so happy Friday is here!"- I didn't know what they meant...especially on a holiday weekend. TGIF!
Be careful what you ask for - cuz, sometimes you'll get exactly that thing! I asked God to help me with this battle of weight, and, if He would be so kind as to make it an instant miracle... I would be ever grateful.(We are so goofy sometimes...I know God laughs at us and shakes His head- saying, "Oh my creation- It is good!)) In the past, I have actually prayed for God to change my body chemistry. Mix-up my metabolism. Make my body a fat burning machine. Make it like someone who was born into a thin family, with thin genes. Make it like a body builder who burns calories at such a high rate that they can't take in enough. Make it work...different.... I had actually heard of a church that people whom were over weight were going in and losing 100 lbs in church... a IN YOUR FACE MIRACLE! I would ask Him...why not me God... I have been good. I had also toyed with the idea of a weight loss surgery. (I have never even had stitches- but I was willing to go under the knife because I can't control my eatting?- That's nuts!) Plus, I have friends that have had it done and almost died from it.(I love ya Vick- and am so thankful you are still here with us! God answers prayer!) So far Gods answer to me has been...you have feet and legs that work...I made them...now you have gotta take the steps.
Happy Friday all...We have made it through another week together. I had a few minor set backs this week. BUT, I am here standing and it's FRIDAY!!!!! I am amazed since leaving retail for a cube job...what Friday really means. I always would hear others say..."I am so happy Friday is here!"- I didn't know what they meant...especially on a holiday weekend. TGIF!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Hey Lady, Your 18 hours are up!
I saw a lady today that needed to take another look in the mirror before she left the house....Let me first say... I worked in Large-sized women's retail as a manager for 20 years. And, not to brag (LOL- as if you could be jealous) I am a professional bra fitter...trained and certified. I have seen it all, from ladies who feel that they don't have to wear a bra because they are too small to fit in one...to the exact opposite of ladies whom are too large and feel that there is not one large enough to fit them. Attention all ladies: *cough-cough**... Wear a bra- that fits! We don't need to see all that you have to offer spilling out at us...or how cold it may be to you today. And I am the first one to say....if you have lost weight or it has been more than 6 months since you purchased a new bra- go out right now and buy a new one.
So, in saying all that....We moved 2 months ago and when we did, I was wearing a old favorite bra---- it is made of tee-shirt fabric...comfy cotton knit and I love it. BUT---- also when we moved. I had a load of laundry in the dryer that the most convenient thing to put it in was a big black trash bag...so, I did. As we moved, we filled the second bedroom with all the misc. boxes and all my good bras are still buried in the room...someplace...yet to be found. At least that is what I hope.... that they were not all tossed.
So actually, the lady I saw this morning was me.... I need to go on a mission and find my bras!!!! or buy some new ones....
Ladies, Don't let this be you..... standing there looking like your 18 hours have expired!
**winks from me!!!!
So, in saying all that....We moved 2 months ago and when we did, I was wearing a old favorite bra---- it is made of tee-shirt fabric...comfy cotton knit and I love it. BUT---- also when we moved. I had a load of laundry in the dryer that the most convenient thing to put it in was a big black trash bag...so, I did. As we moved, we filled the second bedroom with all the misc. boxes and all my good bras are still buried in the room...someplace...yet to be found. At least that is what I hope.... that they were not all tossed.
So actually, the lady I saw this morning was me.... I need to go on a mission and find my bras!!!! or buy some new ones....
Ladies, Don't let this be you..... standing there looking like your 18 hours have expired!
**winks from me!!!!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
She SHOOTS.... She SCORES!!!!!
Here's another one for you..... (can you tell I loved hockey as a kid) "You will miss 100% of the goals that you don't take." -- Wayne Gretsky
I love that.... don't try-don't achieve. Try-do. Seems simple...Right.... It goes back to the journey of a thousand miles...begins with one step. I totally believe that the journey I am on, started with just ONE step. Period, end of story. It took me, myself and I...making the commitment of just that first step. I am here...I am on it... I have started... I am starting everyday...as if it was the first day...and am trying to not get side railed by other stuff. Whether it be just the junk my brain has been telling me for the last 42 years or the fact that in my mind and to my eyes the steps look un-attainable.
Thinking of that..... I have been walking each night...and around our condo complex...it goes up hill during the first 50 yards or so... it gets your heart pumping and then the second half is down a bigger hill. I could go the other way..and take the big hill first...although I don't think my body could take it yet. I choose the smaller hill first... for now.
Have you ever wondered about people who climb Mt. Everest.... I wonder why they WANT to do it? As I stated before I get winded going up the short hill I do now. I can't imagine what it would be like to go up hill for days and days at a time...knowing that you might die in the process because of the conditions of the mountain and the cold... etc...
Wait.... I do know what's it's like.... It's like the battle I am on a mission of ....TODAY... a battle of not being able to see an end yet....but I will someday. An up hill climb...all the way to the top. You can't quit... just keep climbing.... The reward is GREAT if I just stick to it!
It's all ONE STEP AT A TIME!!!!!
I love that.... don't try-don't achieve. Try-do. Seems simple...Right.... It goes back to the journey of a thousand miles...begins with one step. I totally believe that the journey I am on, started with just ONE step. Period, end of story. It took me, myself and I...making the commitment of just that first step. I am here...I am on it... I have started... I am starting everyday...as if it was the first day...and am trying to not get side railed by other stuff. Whether it be just the junk my brain has been telling me for the last 42 years or the fact that in my mind and to my eyes the steps look un-attainable.
Thinking of that..... I have been walking each night...and around our condo complex...it goes up hill during the first 50 yards or so... it gets your heart pumping and then the second half is down a bigger hill. I could go the other way..and take the big hill first...although I don't think my body could take it yet. I choose the smaller hill first... for now.
Have you ever wondered about people who climb Mt. Everest.... I wonder why they WANT to do it? As I stated before I get winded going up the short hill I do now. I can't imagine what it would be like to go up hill for days and days at a time...knowing that you might die in the process because of the conditions of the mountain and the cold... etc...
Wait.... I do know what's it's like.... It's like the battle I am on a mission of ....TODAY... a battle of not being able to see an end yet....but I will someday. An up hill climb...all the way to the top. You can't quit... just keep climbing.... The reward is GREAT if I just stick to it!
It's all ONE STEP AT A TIME!!!!!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Quotes- good ones!
"To be a great champion you must believe you are the best. If you?re not, pretend you are." --Muhammad Ali
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I'ts not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life ;it is how you handle what happens to you.
--Zig Ziglar
"Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars."
--Frederick Langbridge
"Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are."
--Norman Vincent Peale
"A healthy attitude is contagious but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier."
--Anonymous
"Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching?"
--Anonymous
"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it."
--Bill Cosby
"To Achieve Your Dreams Remember Your ABC's-
Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits. Believe in yourself. Consider things from every angle. Don't give up and don't give in. Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come. Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches. Give more than you planned to. Hang on to your dreams. Ignore those who try to discourage you. Just do it. Keep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier. Love yourself first and most. Make it happen. Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal. Open your eyes and see things as they really are. Practice makes perfect. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Read, study and learn about everything important in your life.Stop procrastinating. Take control of your own destiny. Understand yourself in order to better understand others. Visualize it. Want it more than anything. ?Excellerate? your efforts. You are unique of all God's creations, nothing can replace YOU. Zero in on your target and go for it!"
--Wanda Hope Carter
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I'ts not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life ;it is how you handle what happens to you.
--Zig Ziglar
"Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars."
--Frederick Langbridge
"Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are."
--Norman Vincent Peale
"A healthy attitude is contagious but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier."
--Anonymous
"Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching?"
--Anonymous
"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it."
--Bill Cosby
"To Achieve Your Dreams Remember Your ABC's-
Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits. Believe in yourself. Consider things from every angle. Don't give up and don't give in. Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come. Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches. Give more than you planned to. Hang on to your dreams. Ignore those who try to discourage you. Just do it. Keep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier. Love yourself first and most. Make it happen. Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal. Open your eyes and see things as they really are. Practice makes perfect. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Read, study and learn about everything important in your life.Stop procrastinating. Take control of your own destiny. Understand yourself in order to better understand others. Visualize it. Want it more than anything. ?Excellerate? your efforts. You are unique of all God's creations, nothing can replace YOU. Zero in on your target and go for it!"
--Wanda Hope Carter
What up wit dat?
I am 42. I have enough wrinkles that I can no longer wear my one time favorite eye shadow...because it has too much frostiness (if that's a word). It shows too many of my wrinkles on my eye lids. I also have adult acne. What's up with that God? My Mom used to tell me to be happy I had such oily skin...it would make my face not wrinkle so much later on... That was true. I guess. I thought one day that I would no longer have acne. I guess I have to buy some Proactive and Oil of Olay! What up wit DAT????
Do you ever wonder what we do to ourselves to make us - what we think is presentable to the world around us?
My wonderful husband- Dan, says when I put on make-up, it's like I am painting a peacock! He is very sweet, but, I will continue to buffer the rest of the outside world from the ruddy zit fest which I look at every morning. Where did we ever get the idea that we should wear what we do? What is presentable? What do we want to present? I know by looking the way I do physically right now...that I am not putting my best look out there right now. I am aware of looks I get when I go out- that people are so judgemental.
My huny works in in the mental health field with clients that are either mentally and or physically challenged. He has such compassion for these people. I know that I have judged someone just on how they looked. I am trying to do better and know that no matter how someone looks...they are all God's children and they just need love and respect for who's they are....whether they know it or not.
We all need to have the same respect for ourselves...we are all perfect in His sight! We need to see ourselves the way God sees us.... we are His children. It is so hard not to judge ourselves by whatever guides us.... so keep something positive in front of your eyes...whether it is a quote or a scripture...or a slogan.... post it someplace you need to see it.
Some more goals:
1. Drink plenty of water. I started this when I started working in an office. Kinda hard in retail...with no bathroom breaks.
2. To be comfortable to fit and sit in a booth with my husband.
3. Walk every night.
4. Take one day a week completely off to have whatever you want for that day...just remember portion control.
5. Make a chart to see my progress.
6. Write down my measurements.
7. Put up quotes in my cube and on the bathroom mirror!
Do you ever wonder what we do to ourselves to make us - what we think is presentable to the world around us?
My wonderful husband- Dan, says when I put on make-up, it's like I am painting a peacock! He is very sweet, but, I will continue to buffer the rest of the outside world from the ruddy zit fest which I look at every morning. Where did we ever get the idea that we should wear what we do? What is presentable? What do we want to present? I know by looking the way I do physically right now...that I am not putting my best look out there right now. I am aware of looks I get when I go out- that people are so judgemental.
My huny works in in the mental health field with clients that are either mentally and or physically challenged. He has such compassion for these people. I know that I have judged someone just on how they looked. I am trying to do better and know that no matter how someone looks...they are all God's children and they just need love and respect for who's they are....whether they know it or not.
We all need to have the same respect for ourselves...we are all perfect in His sight! We need to see ourselves the way God sees us.... we are His children. It is so hard not to judge ourselves by whatever guides us.... so keep something positive in front of your eyes...whether it is a quote or a scripture...or a slogan.... post it someplace you need to see it.
Some more goals:
1. Drink plenty of water. I started this when I started working in an office. Kinda hard in retail...with no bathroom breaks.
2. To be comfortable to fit and sit in a booth with my husband.
3. Walk every night.
4. Take one day a week completely off to have whatever you want for that day...just remember portion control.
5. Make a chart to see my progress.
6. Write down my measurements.
7. Put up quotes in my cube and on the bathroom mirror!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Just Do It!!!!!
"Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps...if you are not willing to move your feet!"
I am willing... I just have to (like the old school Nike commercial says) JUST DO IT!!!!!
I have not been perfect this last week...although I was proud of making it through at the Old Time Buffet yesterday. I have been graced with a loss of 10+ lbs. Now, the challenge begins again...mentally, I just want to eat something fried. I have made a commitment to myself and God and you wonderful friends to continue forward! I know in time the fried stuff will not look so appealing and I will actually crave good stuff for me. God- hear my words...it's like a cocaine addict.... I know it's extremely bad for me...yet I crave it...I wake up in the middle of the night and would get dressed to get it. How wrong it that? I am sick! We all are that crave something enough that we wake up thinking about it. I want to allow myself that time to be creative....draw something... do not go to the fridge. I don't need it...I just want it.
Dan and I have committed to weigh on Monday mornings. That's when I will post to you all what I have lost so I am down to 369.4.... which I just got out the calculator and it's actually 11.4 lbs! Wow.
It is possible and we can- JUST DO IT!!!!!
I am willing... I just have to (like the old school Nike commercial says) JUST DO IT!!!!!
I have not been perfect this last week...although I was proud of making it through at the Old Time Buffet yesterday. I have been graced with a loss of 10+ lbs. Now, the challenge begins again...mentally, I just want to eat something fried. I have made a commitment to myself and God and you wonderful friends to continue forward! I know in time the fried stuff will not look so appealing and I will actually crave good stuff for me. God- hear my words...it's like a cocaine addict.... I know it's extremely bad for me...yet I crave it...I wake up in the middle of the night and would get dressed to get it. How wrong it that? I am sick! We all are that crave something enough that we wake up thinking about it. I want to allow myself that time to be creative....draw something... do not go to the fridge. I don't need it...I just want it.
Dan and I have committed to weigh on Monday mornings. That's when I will post to you all what I have lost so I am down to 369.4.... which I just got out the calculator and it's actually 11.4 lbs! Wow.
It is possible and we can- JUST DO IT!!!!!
Ok today was Face the scale day and.......
Well, I got up this morning and headed to the second bathroom.....the dreaded scale holding room! I marched right up on it and I had lost 10.4 lbs! Praise God! It was worth it this week....on to the second week...I know it will be tougher... but, I am looking forward to the challenge!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Followers Rock!
You Guys are the Bomb! Thank you for the help in getting me thru this first week. All your words of encouragement has gotten me this far and I an extremely GREATFUL for each of you!
I did not start this to be anything other than a place of accountability to myself and to God. I need to put things out of my head and down on paper(blog) in order to get them out. My wonderful, handsome, talented, smart husband Dan- is usually my sounding board.... as are you - my friends when I get to see you *wink*....
Please, keep reading and giving me any advice you may have.... even if it to say,"I hear ya...I am there too!" I love it!
I am with all of you- who struggle in someway everyday to make a change....
God-
Make this and other changes we try to make easy for us in our daily lives... let us know how blessed we are to have such abundance in America of food, friends and family. Let us not take it for granted and be grateful for all we have, need and do thru you and your might...not by our own strength, but, only by yours. You are great and mighty God- to do above and beyond all that we ask or even think. Make us healthy in our bodies, minds and souls. To follow you more closely and be a better witness of your Amazing Grace.
Thank you, also for getting me past Hardee's this morning without stopping for breakfast!
In Jesus Name- Amen!
I did not start this to be anything other than a place of accountability to myself and to God. I need to put things out of my head and down on paper(blog) in order to get them out. My wonderful, handsome, talented, smart husband Dan- is usually my sounding board.... as are you - my friends when I get to see you *wink*....
Please, keep reading and giving me any advice you may have.... even if it to say,"I hear ya...I am there too!" I love it!
I am with all of you- who struggle in someway everyday to make a change....
God-
Make this and other changes we try to make easy for us in our daily lives... let us know how blessed we are to have such abundance in America of food, friends and family. Let us not take it for granted and be grateful for all we have, need and do thru you and your might...not by our own strength, but, only by yours. You are great and mighty God- to do above and beyond all that we ask or even think. Make us healthy in our bodies, minds and souls. To follow you more closely and be a better witness of your Amazing Grace.
Thank you, also for getting me past Hardee's this morning without stopping for breakfast!
In Jesus Name- Amen!
Define Insanity!
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome..... That's me....and what I do everyday! When it comes to my survival with food and my body anyway. I have always loved food and I am sure that it will not change. It is a part of who I am.....If you love someone you make good things for them to enjoy. Right? (That way I get to enjoy it too!) So, my focus needs to not be on FOOD- it needs to change to my ART...that way I can create things for the people I love, for them to enjoy and I will not feed them and me physically!
Change has to come- It takes me from the INSANE part of this weight that I carry around for all the world to see. A place that I display all the wrong I do to myself everyday. To a place where I can be free from fear and from this burden that I carry. Miki-Lite! I do not think I will ever be what others will call thin. But, just being able to shop at Old Navy would be fun!
Miki-Lite... I like that!
Change has to come- It takes me from the INSANE part of this weight that I carry around for all the world to see. A place that I display all the wrong I do to myself everyday. To a place where I can be free from fear and from this burden that I carry. Miki-Lite! I do not think I will ever be what others will call thin. But, just being able to shop at Old Navy would be fun!
Miki-Lite... I like that!
Bacon and Fried Chicken are Evil!
Just the smell of the kitchen makes you hungry.... I am always amazed at how our bodies work. Why when we think of the warmth of home do we always think of the best things Mom fixed for us.....
The smells and tastes and textures of home...I am craving a huge BLT on toast with a home grown tomato...RIGHT NOW!!!! The bacon would smell so gooood when you walked in the door and it was fried up perfectly so crisp and so delectable... YUM! Not to mention fried chicken....so tender inside...so wonderful crispy outside...fried to perfection. - Did you notice...fried, fried, fried.....Why do we love things that are bad for us? Maybe it's not that they are bad for us all the time...if we have them in moderation then we would be okay with what ever we wanted...right? But, for a drug, sex, or alcohol addict they have to walk away completely... cold turkey- no turning back. I can't do that with food. So, there are certain things that I can say I will stay away from completely for this time of change.
1. Soda
2. White bread
3. Refined Sugars
4. and this is a tough one.... bacon.
5. Fried anything.
It's a start... it is my commitment to myself to start with these and add onto this list.
Here are some to add to the list to get more of:
A favorite cotton quilt- that has been washed a hundred times and is so soft it feels like velvet on your skin...and of course smells Downy fresh!
Enjoy the way the cold floor feels on your tired feet after you take your shoes and socks off after a long day on your feet. Refreshing.
A hug from a parent... I think some people just know how to express love thru a hug....you feel it with your whole being. Love you- Mom and Dad!
The smells and tastes and textures of home...I am craving a huge BLT on toast with a home grown tomato...RIGHT NOW!!!! The bacon would smell so gooood when you walked in the door and it was fried up perfectly so crisp and so delectable... YUM! Not to mention fried chicken....so tender inside...so wonderful crispy outside...fried to perfection. - Did you notice...fried, fried, fried.....Why do we love things that are bad for us? Maybe it's not that they are bad for us all the time...if we have them in moderation then we would be okay with what ever we wanted...right? But, for a drug, sex, or alcohol addict they have to walk away completely... cold turkey- no turning back. I can't do that with food. So, there are certain things that I can say I will stay away from completely for this time of change.
1. Soda
2. White bread
3. Refined Sugars
4. and this is a tough one.... bacon.
5. Fried anything.
It's a start... it is my commitment to myself to start with these and add onto this list.
Here are some to add to the list to get more of:
A favorite cotton quilt- that has been washed a hundred times and is so soft it feels like velvet on your skin...and of course smells Downy fresh!
Enjoy the way the cold floor feels on your tired feet after you take your shoes and socks off after a long day on your feet. Refreshing.
A hug from a parent... I think some people just know how to express love thru a hug....you feel it with your whole being. Love you- Mom and Dad!
Facebook Wisdom?
I am constantly surprized at where we can find little gems or bits of wisdom these days... as I get older and things get more advanced with each day we are alive. We can find wisdom in the oddist of places. Here are just a few from this morning ...
I hope they don't mind that I copied them:
Matt Westermayer- "And you will never disown us for we know that you are for us. You never leave us for a moment, God."
Angie Todd- Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.
David Crank- It Is Only Until You Stop Listening To Yourself And Begin Talking To Yourself -That Change Will Take Place In Your Life.
Liz Curtis Higgs- So, so true: “Wise sayings often fall on barren ground; but a kind word is never thrown away.” Sir Arthur Helps
Sharon Folse Sellers- Attitude- chose a good one
These friends and others offer little gems into our days....if we choose to listen and get something from each one....We can make the changes that we need to find our path... Our true place that God has for us, for that day and everyday.
I hope they don't mind that I copied them:
Matt Westermayer- "And you will never disown us for we know that you are for us. You never leave us for a moment, God."
Angie Todd- Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.
David Crank- It Is Only Until You Stop Listening To Yourself And Begin Talking To Yourself -That Change Will Take Place In Your Life.
Liz Curtis Higgs- So, so true: “Wise sayings often fall on barren ground; but a kind word is never thrown away.” Sir Arthur Helps
Sharon Folse Sellers- Attitude- chose a good one
These friends and others offer little gems into our days....if we choose to listen and get something from each one....We can make the changes that we need to find our path... Our true place that God has for us, for that day and everyday.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I am trying to be really healthy with this whole thing....
I am only going to face the scale once a week on Mondays. I think it's for the best and maybe that will make me think about things over the weekends. And, Dan and I have talked about a free day once a week.... First, this is not a diet. It IS a life change. I also know if we totally deprive ourselves of everything we love....we will crave it.
I have fasted certain things for a year. It was tuff! I know that if I don't allow myself certain things that they will take over my mind.
I have found out....that I can have chocolate in the house and not eat it all..... if it is dark chocolate! I don't love it and at the same time if I get small individually wrapped candies...I will only eat one and not ALL of them... it satisfies the craving and I still don't want it all....like I would if it were a Twix bar or Reese's peanut butter cups!
I say try it.... if it doesn't work...try, try again!
I have fasted certain things for a year. It was tuff! I know that if I don't allow myself certain things that they will take over my mind.
I have found out....that I can have chocolate in the house and not eat it all..... if it is dark chocolate! I don't love it and at the same time if I get small individually wrapped candies...I will only eat one and not ALL of them... it satisfies the craving and I still don't want it all....like I would if it were a Twix bar or Reese's peanut butter cups!
I say try it.... if it doesn't work...try, try again!
We all need to start someplace...even if it starts UPHILL!
I did it! I went and took a walk last night. It was only a quarter of a mile and I did take Smudge with me....he only has legs that are about 2 1/2 inches long (mini-wiennie) Soooo, he does like to stop alot....but we made it up the hill...I decided to take the shorter hill at the beginning of my walk.... but it is quite a slope. And at sometime in the near future I will take the "baddy hill" at the back of the complex first...I will conquer it! Someday I may even jog it...That would be amazing! With this body don't even want to think about a jog...what's that???? and why would anyone WANT to jog? Ever? God only gave us running muscles to get away from the things that might eat us...like; Lions and Tigers and Bears- Oh MY!!!!! I haven't seen any of those in my neighbourhood in quite some time!.... Tonight it's two times around.... Don't tell Dan! He thinks I am a wimp! *wink*
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The truth will set you free....John 8:32
Why does the truth suck so bad sometimes....
Ok....I have done it.... Dan and I bought it....another level to my accountability started last night...the SCALE! I have not been on one in almost a year. I am afraid of what I'd have to face....a number. As long as you don't look at it it's not real...right???? As soon as you look at it....put it down on paper...It's real. All this scale can do is give me a starting place...a score, rate, callibration, a guide, a launching pad!
Then when we get home the question is.....what do you wear to weigh in? I say naked.... Dan says fully clothed.... I decide on a nightgown.
OK- it's time to face the music. I have been playing to the beat of my own drummer in my head too long! I have to look at what I have done. "FACE IT!", says Julian (of biggest loser fame) in my head. Face IT! I do....are you sure you are ready. Yep!
It's not as bad as I feared....but, still bigger than I have ever been. If it would have been more I would hae cried. I anticipated it and I am ready to never see this number again!
380.8 lbs.....the truth.
Ok....I have done it.... Dan and I bought it....another level to my accountability started last night...the SCALE! I have not been on one in almost a year. I am afraid of what I'd have to face....a number. As long as you don't look at it it's not real...right???? As soon as you look at it....put it down on paper...It's real. All this scale can do is give me a starting place...a score, rate, callibration, a guide, a launching pad!
Then when we get home the question is.....what do you wear to weigh in? I say naked.... Dan says fully clothed.... I decide on a nightgown.
OK- it's time to face the music. I have been playing to the beat of my own drummer in my head too long! I have to look at what I have done. "FACE IT!", says Julian (of biggest loser fame) in my head. Face IT! I do....are you sure you are ready. Yep!
It's not as bad as I feared....but, still bigger than I have ever been. If it would have been more I would hae cried. I anticipated it and I am ready to never see this number again!
380.8 lbs.....the truth.
Monday, August 23, 2010
God is amazing!
I know our bodies are designed to do amazing things...if we cut ourselves in a few days the wound is no longer visible except for a fine line of where the separation of skin once was. Is it not amazing what our bodies can go thru and still heal. God's creation....us. Wow, what wondrous work He does. I am and have been abusing that work. By not taking care of what He has given me to work with here on this earth that we call home. If I truly am the temple of the Holy Spirit, I have given a pretty lousy place to reside.
I have heard other people say that they have a skinny person trapped inside there body...screaming to get out. I have never felt that way. Maybe, because I have never been what you would call thin. I have always been a big person. Even as a teen-ager I was always the fat girl. funny...sweet.... fat girl. I relished the attention when I was younger, it was my way to be different and fun! Fat is different in many ways but it's not fun. When you start to age it makes you tired and weak. It makes things not work right in your body that was not designed to carry around this much weight....ever.
Tonight,
I go buy a new scale. As I said I am putting it all out there.... tonight weigh in.
I have heard other people say that they have a skinny person trapped inside there body...screaming to get out. I have never felt that way. Maybe, because I have never been what you would call thin. I have always been a big person. Even as a teen-ager I was always the fat girl. funny...sweet.... fat girl. I relished the attention when I was younger, it was my way to be different and fun! Fat is different in many ways but it's not fun. When you start to age it makes you tired and weak. It makes things not work right in your body that was not designed to carry around this much weight....ever.
Tonight,
I go buy a new scale. As I said I am putting it all out there.... tonight weigh in.
A day to begin....
A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step....or that's what I have been told and have been telling myself now for 40+ years. My name is Miki. I am an artist. I am fat. I am starting this blog as a way to journal...my process in getting healthy and to get there I have to put it out there for the world to see...not like they don't already know my secret....it's written all over me...and that you can't miss. I am a big girl that just keeps getting bigger and it's time to face the facts. I love food...they way it smells, feels, tastes...I love to cook it and look at it. I am addicted. There I said it, I have an addiction to food. It is my comfort. Not that I don't have other comforts also, but food is at the top of my list.
This whole cheesecake was sliced when myself and my husband Dan getting new phones.... He loves to take goofy pictures of me...and yesterday he took a short movie....I was a gast at what I saw....man it's bad. Why, When and how does it it get that bad, soooo bad? I just want to be a healthy person again...with a little energy and in sizes that I can go to even the big girl store and purchase off the rack. I knew when I couldn't go to Lane Bryant and buy clothes that things were getting bad. I am going to post pictures on this blog to let you all into my world if you dare.
This whole cheesecake was sliced when myself and my husband Dan getting new phones.... He loves to take goofy pictures of me...and yesterday he took a short movie....I was a gast at what I saw....man it's bad. Why, When and how does it it get that bad, soooo bad? I just want to be a healthy person again...with a little energy and in sizes that I can go to even the big girl store and purchase off the rack. I knew when I couldn't go to Lane Bryant and buy clothes that things were getting bad. I am going to post pictures on this blog to let you all into my world if you dare.
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