Have you ever watched
a baby bird busting out of it's shell
and then stretching it's little wings to eventually fly? They fumble about- for the
first bit but, then after extending their dainty wings as far as they can
from their- oh so cumbersome
bodies-
They start to get it....
They start to feel their strength...
To do what
God has designed them to do...
To fly....
Fly in the freedom of the wings that
they were given...
Fly as high in the air- as high as they have been given the courage to
go.
I think birds must be
born with a barrel full of bravery. In comparison-
I am the baby bird that flew out of the nest...but, moved just down the tree to
another nest. I said that it was just so I would know that the other big birds
up in the other nests were okay (This is what I told myself.)
My Dad passed away on
August 11, 2012.
I think if you met my
Dad, Charlie- you would say he was a Christian... he had a kind heart and good nature. He
was not a super spiritual guy... I think he prayed and talked to God a lot. When I was younger anytime I
left the house to go to church...he would say, "Say a prayer for your old Dad
and make sure you tell God we need some Hot or Cold weather!" The hot/cold depended
on what time of year it was- he started his own heating and a/c business
when I was 8 years old- so this is what he sat at the kitchen counter for endless hours
thinking about. Success. Success in the work of his hands. Success in how he ran
his business. Success as a boss. Success as a son. Success as a man. He spent more time working to achieve success than helping raise
my brothers and myself. To him this was success. It disconnected him emotionally
from us, but to him, it was providing and that was his ultimate goal. He taught us how to
work hard and that is a cherished commodity these days.
My Dad's favorite
scripture was Isaiah 40:31
"But they that wait
upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as
eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not
faint."
It's an odd thing to
go through, this thing we call "grief". Each day as friends, relatives and
co-workers sweetly ask, "How are you doing?" Sometimes you find a warm heart and
a listening ear, or helpful advice and some people just stay away...not for any
other reason than they just don't know what to say and they don't want to make
you cry or they still haven't dealt with their own sadness in the loss of a
loved one.
My Dad was my
backer.... I knew if I got in trouble too deep- he was there. It funny...it's
almost like now I have to finally fully trust God.... not that I wasn't before
and not that I don't still have other people in my life I can rely on. But, it's
different. Some how I related it to the stretch of
wings to fly. To trust your own instincts. I no longer have to try to please my
earthly Father.... now it's just me and God. I am growing at 43.... I guess this "grief" could be called growing pains. Learning how to trust that still small voice again...make it louder Lord, please!
This is my prayer today:
Lord, help me to know
how to fly. Help me to know how to angle my wings to get the most wind. Keep me
from stumbling. Make me brave. Give me wisdom. Help me to be a more loving and caring friend to anyone who has
suffered loss. Let my healing be a testimony that you are my provider, my
comfort, my hiding place. I love you, Lord. Make sure my Dad knows how much I
miss him. Give him a big hug from me... I know he likes those.
