"Oh death where is they
sting? Oh grave where is thy victory?" 1Cor 15:55
My wonderful and amazing
husband and myself were chatting last night about fearing death. He had a
conversation with someone earlier in the day about the process of death and
grieving.... and how this person had said that, "it's not really his thing."
Hmmm...I thought, I don't know that it's really anybodies- "thing" to deal with
death. We, as humans, really don't want to deal with it- in thought, word, or deed. I don't
know of anyone who just likes death... even a Goth inspired fashionista...still
likes being "Alive" to continue to show off their new goth death gear. No body
wants to die... unless they have dealt with the rages of depression. Even then
people contimplate it for years. It's a permante solution to a temporary problem. If this is you- Go talk to your doctor, pastor, or
friend. Get on some meds, do whatever it takes to LIVE your LIFE. Fight to live.
Now, let me begin with
saying I am a person who...does not like horror movies, I don't like to see
anything dying... "Faces of death" movies would totally creep me out- I never
want to watch those. I can't watch the surgery channel on TV- I don't want to see
the stuff that's supposed to be on the inside- on the outside. My husband, on
the other hand, can watch anything happen to a human body- He thinks it's cool.
But, don't put on Animal Planet and show him the abused animals, or the Humane
Society commercials- CHANGE THE CHANNEL! He can't take it. So, in saying all
that- we all have our tolerances. What we will put up with and the things we are curious about
and the things we are not.
When my Dad died
recently, the family knew it was happening, he was on hospice care for 5 days
in the hospital. My younger brother- Travis and I had told my older brother-
Chris, that we did not really want to be there when he passed. It just "wasn't
my thing", I told him. Sound familiar? Well, I have to say that after Chris and
Lana- my Dad's second wife, stayed at the hospital for over a week. Chris
sleeping just a few hours a night out in his truck on the parking lot....
spending countless hours a night by my Dad's side. The full day before my Dad
passed away, AMC had John Wayne movies on the whole time. The night before Chris
said that he tucked Lana in to sleep on the couch and spent the night watching Cowboy Movies
with my Dad (if you ever came into my Dad's house- it's an open floor plan- so when you walk
in the door on the far end of the living room is a huge flat screen with
either the Western channel -playing cowboy movies or some Car network) Chris had
told me he didn't want my Dad to be alone when he passed. On Dad's final day,
Chris had made the decision to head home for just a few hours to take a shower
and a short nap... he would be back around 5pm. So, I told him I would stay, and
there I was.. watching John Wayne and crying, watching my Dad's ever labored
breathing get worse, watching as the nurse would ever so caring come in and talk
to Dad (even though he didn't respond) as she gave him more morphine. Chatting
with family and friends about his condition and praying that God would take him
home in peace on the arms of angels. Every once in a while my Dad would take an
extra deep breath...open his eyes a little and mumble... he was having
conversations. I asked him if he saw the angels and he said, "yes". I told him to
quit arguing with them and just go. I was holding my Dad's hand at about 5:02 pm
he opened his eyes wide and looked around. Lana- got up and ran to his side-
telling him to go on home. It was okay. He took his lasts few breaths and he was
no longer here. A room full of family and friends around him praying and
thanking God for his life and the journey to be with all his loved ones that have already passed.
My Dad went home to
Heaven.
I closed his eyes.
The room that had been so full of anticipation and tension, was quiet. It's like the calm and peace had hit us all. it's like you could finally breathe. It was beautiful.
I had not experienced
that before. The final moments before and after- what we call death. It is
nothing to fear. It was not scary like in the movies. It was peaceful. It was
beautiful. It was the ultimate proof of a spirit, a soul. A soul that
was leaving a place that could no longer hold it. At one moment my Dad was in
his body and at another moment - he was not. It was very evident. It was a body
without a person in it. Not the "made-up" person we see in a casket. It was empty. A shell.
If you haven't been
there with someone when they pass away... and you don't believe that there is an
after life. A place called Heaven.... if you had this experience- a believers
death. You would see the love, peace and beauty that is in it. The process after for the
living- makes you feel like your broken open to the core of your heart. I know that when you
feel that broken it's in that time when you can allow God's healing hand to do it's
work.
My brother Chris and
his wife, were headed back to the hospital when my Dad passed away. He was glad
that Travis and myself were there. I needed to learn that it's not something to
be afraid of, that it didn't have to be "my thing" in order to learn what it was
about and how to "deal with death".
It was an important
thing for me to be there.
He was not alone.
It was perfection.
Thanks Chris.
