Yesterday after having an especially stressful day- work was hectic, dealing with family issues, taking care of things I don't want to.... having to let people down when I can't do something, or help the way I would like too.... Things well, were a little chaotic...and as I sat riding in the van with my sweet husband.... after we had a nice dinner at a Mexican restaurant.... not over eating at all.... I realized I was wanting that- so full I am sick feeling.....
the tears came...
and all I could think about, all I wanted was, well to EAT, eat, and to eat...lots of wonderful creamy, fried, salty, sweet or otherwise food....
This has been my escape for years.
I cried.... realizing, that I was wanting to fill up with food the whole were emotions that I did not want to deal with should be....
I thought...
is my brain really that messed up? That all I can think about is food when I am stressed?
YES! I have done this for the last 40+ years of my life.....
I sat in the van and cried.... the ugly- boo hoo kind of cry..... as tears fell,
I knew it was cleansing cry....
Knowing when and where this happens is a good thing. I assume it's the same thing that a person who is addicted to drugs, sex, or alcohol feels.... as you take each step of the day and all the things just pile on you.... you get to that place that you crack.... or do crack! ARGH! In my case it would be a King sized Hershey's Symphony bar...all to myself- that I would pick up on my trip to Walgreen's.
But, this time I didn't!
I realized what I was going through and just wanted out!
As we got home, my hunny and I decided ( as I had been promising) to go for a late night swim. I complained a bit and then arguably agreed to go.
I hiked my butt up to our pool..... we have a nice small pool at our condo. I took a dip....the water was warm and wonderful.... I could live there if no one could see me.... It was refreshing...and I didn't eat. I filled that time with relaxing and recharging in the pool...as well as some exercise. I slept great last night....
Find something that makes you smile.... leaves you feeling refreshed and full... that's not food!
I am ready to go swimming again.... going to get my suit on! Ya coming?
:) Miki
